Have you ever gone for a run and gotten that ‘runner’s high’ that people love to talk about? You know, that feeling of euphoria that runners go on and on about? No? Neither have I.
Running is the absolute worst. Running and I are not friends. In fact, I would go so far as to say that Running and I are arch nemeses. I don’t invite Running to parties and I most certainly do not spend any of my free time with Running. I actually avoid Running like the plague-ridden scoundrel it is.
Seriously though, my legs don’t work the way they’re supposed to for running. I’m pretty short and my legs are proportional to my height (or lack thereof). Have you ever played Mario Brothers on the old Super Nintendo system? Do you remember how Mario would run across the screen with his short little baby legs? That’s exactly how I run. It’s exhausting and not even a little bit cute.
What I do like is Health. Health is pretty awesome. Right now, Health and I are just acquaintances who say hello to each other when we pass in the street. Health is that really cool kid in school that everyone really likes and wants to be friends with. That kid that’s always really nice to everyone and who looks great, too.
I want to be friends with Health. I even want to become part of Health’s clique and hang out with all of the Healthy kids. Becoming part of that clique means becoming friends with Running. And I think I have made it pretty clear how I feel about that jerk.
Since Running and Health are basically best friends, I’m going to have to put aside my differences with Running and cozy right up to the rascal.
In preparation, I’ve dusted off my gym membership and joined a group of friends who plan on running in an uncomfortable amount of races this upcoming season. It’s probably going to be awful.
So, if you see a girl running on tiny little Mario legs in Keene or in a 5k nearby, be a dear and throw her a mushroom because it’s probably me and I could probably use the power up.