The One About Lawns

Lawns are a big part of life in New Hampshire. We walk on them. We play on them. We lay on them. And, we mow them.

And, let’s talk about that. I mean, we talk about lawn mowers, right? John Deer vs. Craftsmen. Self-propelled or not. But, when’s the last time we talked about how people mow their lawns?

After years of observing neighbors, friends, and random people tending to their plots of grass, I’ve noticed that there are usually a few different lawn mowing philosophies at play in every New Hampshire neighborhood…DSCN5246

The Ride-On Guy

Every Saturday this guy gets on his mower and hits the yard like it is a NASCAR track. And, I know. He has less than a tenth of an acre. But, you don’t understand. He needs a ride on mower. And it doesn’t matter that he only has five square feet of lawn, he will mow that lawn. On his ride-on mower. And you know that you’re only judging because you want one too.

The Anti-Mower

This person is not growing a lawn. No. They may have a space that traditionally would be used for cultivating grass, but the Anti-Mower is not doing that. No. Because they are growing a wildflower field. That’s right. Oh, you don’t see the flowers? No. No. Look closer. No, past the dandelion. No! Past the other one…Right there…Right there…See it?

The Mow Artist

The pattern that this person mows into their yard could rival that of a championship basket weaver. The beauty of the Mow Artist’s lawn is surpassed only by their dedication to their craft. You could drop from heat exhaustion in a neighboring yard, and the Mow Artist would not divert from the last 90 degree line of their crosshatch. It’s all about the art, right?

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The Lawn Lord’s nemesis lurks behind blades of grass…

The Lawn Lord

They say that a man’s home is his castle, but, for this guy it’s always been about the lawn. He attacks chores like fertilizing, seeding, watering, and mowing with the enthusiasm of an avid lawn lover. If you’re not maintaining an equal level of dedication to your lawn, the Lawn Lord will hold you accountable. Have you tried aerating shoes? Hmm. No. Would you like to borrow a pair?

The Electric Mower

But, wait. There’s no electric mower in your neighborhood. Mmhmm. That’s what you think. I know. I used to think that too. Here’s the thing—the Electric Mower is the stealth ninja of the lawn mowing world. This person can do laps around their yard, decapitating blades of innocent green vegetation, and most of us are none the wiser. In fact, you could say that the Electric Mower is the number one silent killer of grass.

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Are you one of these mowers? Do you know someone who is? Feel free to share this and tag them!

We’ve got a long summer ahead of us folks. Happy mowing!

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